The Custody Conundrum
The relationship is over, emotions are high, people are angry, and children are involved...NOW WHAT?!? Custody is one of the most emotional aspects of a divorce or separation, so it's important to understand the parameters and realities of custody with a clear head. Hear are some tips to get you started...
1) Relax. Take a deep breath. If you are entering a "custody situation," your life is obviously in some degree of turmoil...but that doesn't mean it's over. You need good communication and a clear mind to navigate through this difficult time to arrive at a place of stability again. You can't have good communication (with your ex or your attorney) if you are operating purely from a place of emotion, so take time to decompress with your friends and family who are supporting you.
2.) It's Business Time. You and your ex are now entering the most important business relationship you will ever find yourself in. While it may seem cold (and feel awkward) to view your family in terms of a company, the business world is a fantastic illustration of how people with opposing views and negative "feelings" toward each other can still come together enough to find success regarding common interests. Nearly all parents will conclude that nothing is more important than their children, so you likely have all the common interest you will need to be successful. Now is the time to make the choice to set aside any anger and frustration you are carrying and begin to focus on the shared vision of loving and raising your children. You may no longer be married, but you'll always be "Mom and Dad."
3.) Understand the Law. If you are looking for an elaborate and technical breakdown of child custody law, plenty of other blogs can fill that need. Let me make it as simple as possible: The law doesn't care about you...it cares about your children. Bottom line. That's it. In Pennsylvania, we call the standard the "Best Interest of the Child." That's what is used by the court to make every decision that you and your ex can not. In most cases, I would suggest that "mom and dad" are substantially better equipped to determine what is in the best interest of their own children...Which means that the easiest way to maintain the most control of your own child-raising scenario is to continue to work WITH your ex in order to come to reasonable agreements and conclusions about the children.